I’d like to honestly say that it was nice to see you today, but really, I could have gone without the introduction. It’s not your fault. I know you are here to fly, and I know I am here for you, but today, I am struggling. My patience is nonexistent, and I am so tired. I realize that this is not your problem. I see that your focus needs to be how your luggage will fit in the overhead locker, and no, I cannot not lift that bag for you. Yeah…today you and I are not off to a great start.
I know that I am supposed to be bubbly, smily, cute, and so happy to be on this plane, but you are the fifth flight full of persons that I have seen today, and I want no more of this ‘Can of Pringles in the Sky.’ It’s not you, it’s me. For the record, I don’t like Pringles, and if I hear ONE more call light pressed so that I can pick up your trash or because you didn’t bring games for your child to play, I may pop! “That button is not a toy!”
It was supposed to be my day off actually, but scheduling lassoed me in. They tend to do that and unfortunately you are the one that suffers. I suffer too, if that’s any consolation. If my smile is strained, it’s not because you are the 20th person who has asked me, “What do you have to drink?” Although I find this question annoying by now, because most people in this century can read picture menus, I understand everyone has an off-day. I really wish I had one of those right now as I need a vacation. I proceed to tell you that we are out of chicken and you throw a fit. Your off-day has turned into a bad day. Join the club.
I truly am forcing one of the most genuine grins that I can muster. This takes practice, and I have a lot of smile forcing practice. I only got three hours of sleep last night, and it’s not because I was out partying. Oh how I wish. I live an all-the-time jet lagged life, and it hurts both of us. It hurts my health and it hurts your positive travel experience. Oh yeah, I have also been subsisting on chocolate candy bars and coffee all day. This is not healthy. Do not do live like this.
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I hope you will forgive me for not being the image of a perfect flight attendant today. I am about 90 percent sure that I will have a chance to redeem myself, probably in twenty more minutes when I enter round six and see the next group of passengers.
Happy flying and many apologies,
Your Lovely Flight Attendant