As the train clicks and rocks its way past buildings colored with Japanese characters, and trees dusted with the yellow, orange, and red hues of Fall, I sit quietly, contemplating how life discoveries have this way of sneaking up on one. A�At least these type of understandings have this way of sneaking up on me.A� I never learn what I expect to, but I always learn what I need. A�I needed a world away from my own to truly appreciate what was standing right in front of me.
Ia��m grateful that this train is on a track, taking me to where I need to be so that I can allow myself the luxury to slip lost into thoughts of here-and-there, and of now-and-whata��s–next.A� I shake my head at the silliness that is me; A�that I had to travel over 5,000 miles, spending twenty-two hours and more on an airplane, and a few additional minutes on a train to finally admit that I want to stay.A� The reality is- it has taken more than than 5,000 miles, and a three day trip to Japan for this realization to sink in deeply, catching me in my wanderings. A�It’s taken somewhere between seven and twenty-eight years. A�This strange thought that there could be something better than travel has been the culmination of years and years of searching, fighting, discovering, failing, hoping, and dreaming.
I have been so concerned with the ending and what will happen; in my flight attendant life, relationships, and home, that I have been missing the total experience. A�Maybe it was traveling with two adventurous and capable women, and feeling my heart in a different place than the foreign that had me acknowledgeA�that knowing where the story is goingA�is no longer the most important piece. A�Living the story is what matters most. A�And in the goodbyes that I abhor, I notice theA�value.A� Goodbyes make one anticipate the a�?hello againa��, cherish the together, and the scenarios have the power to show-and-tell what is missing in onea��s life.A� In the space of a goodbye, you clearly understand what you most hope to see again. A�
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I know enough to know what to do for now, and I have found an acceptance in that. A�The best choiceA�is to step towards this moment and the new moments that follow. A�This step could include just for now. Or forever. A�Or for not-ever. A�Whatever the finale is, I know I will be ok.
And it will be ok.
And everything will be more than ok. A�
Because life has taught that she has this ability to find us in our mis-steps, and within our mis-adventure, redirecting us back to the path we were meant to discover.A� And you can’t rush her- that thing called life.
I get it. A�Finally. A�I don’t need to write the perfect ending, because perfect is impossible, and I don’t know what chapter we are in anyway. A�For it’s simply a fact that this could be the ending, or the middle, or onlyA�the beginning.