The following is something that I wrote over 6 months ago for the Tortilla Blog. A�It’s more telling, and makes me more vulnerable than most of what I post to this website. A�It’s not so much about flying and maybe not even so much about me, but it does lend a glimpse into my beliefs about life and purpose and struggling to find meaning. A�I’m more careful of what I post to ‘The Flight Attendant Life’ because I don’t write to force my personal opinions or views on readers, but have committed to honest and sincere communication. A�For some reason, recently, it has been on my mind to share this part of my life here.
I hope that you find something in it that can make your day better. A�Thanks from me for reading…
If You Really Knew Me
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Life sometimes takes turns that we do not expect; surprising us, challenging us, and changing us.A� We plan and hope and dream, all very valuable in helping us navigate successfully through life, but often, instead of just goal setting and dream weaving,A�we latch ontoA�an unhealthy control in an effort a�?to make everything ok.a�?
Ia��m not sure what everything means, and I still havena��t figured out whatA�okA�is.A� Maybe ok is perfect, but if I know, fundamentally, that perfectA�doesna��tA�exist, why do I try so hard to achieve vapor?
When will I inherently be a�?enough?a�?
As alone asA�I may feel in my quiet quest to figure outA�who I am and where I stand, these questions haunt others, and they are at the core of every personsa�� existence.
As humans, we search, and yearn, and spend countlessA�hours concocting ways for people to acknowledge us, love us, and accept us, and frankly, ita��s exhausting.A� Our hearts our broken, our confidence dismantled, and our spirits crushed, just to start the process the next day, whenA�we interact withA�another, and say inA�our soul, a�?Please just love me for me.a�?
AttractiveA�and successful,A�Rob Lowe, with millions of adoring fans, makes a statement in his autobiography, saying, a�?If you really knew me, you wouldna��t like me nearly as much.a�?
In an effort to avoid rejection, we take on a job description of self-creator; forming, shaping, and molding ourselves into what a�?fits.a�?A� This is a duty that was never, and will never be our responsibility.
Last night, during a moment of quietnessA�at work, I read the following words, contemplating the gentle reprimand being communicated towards me.
What I read was this:
a�?Arise and go down to the pottera��s house and there I will cause you to hear My words.a�? Then I went down to the pottera��s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel.A� And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter;so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the Lord came to me saying: a�?O house of Israel,A�can I not do with you as this potter?a�? says the Lord. a�?Look, as the clay is in the pottera��s hand, so you are in My handa��.a�? Jeremiah 18:2-6
I often argue and become angry with God, because he took me here, or there, or I had to experience this, or that in my life.A� But, I thought I was a a�?better persona�? before?A� I thought I had my life together.A� Now?A� Well, I feel like chaos on the inside, with the facade of charismaA�on the outside, and a whole lotA�of confusion in-between.
Maybe you understand.
With this verse, He so simply, and beautifully communicated that I am not the creator of my life, and what I thought was a good piece of clay, was just marred,A�but that He willA�not leave me as that!
AA�lot of my stress in my life comes from trying to take over the job of the potter, making me into my own creation.A�But I dona��t own that business!A� Thata��s His realm of experience.A� He is creating me. He is creating you, out of the marred material, into something else. Something better.A� Something new.A� The process is done with love, care, and thoughtfulness.
HeA�choosesA�to create us again.A� Into whatA�HeA�sees to be good.
I want instant gratification.A� I want the fix now.A� Well, timeframes are irrelevant.A� Divine Creativity does not fit into human limitations.
And the most beautiful part?A� He is willing to sit with my marred piece clay, for however long it takes, and says, each day, each moment,A�a�?I really, REALLY know you.A� And I love every part of you.a�?