I rubbed my eyes; shaking my head from side-to-side as if to shake the sleepiness from my brain and body. Tel Aviv. Paris. Delay. Los Angeles. It had been a long day of travel, and yet, I felt more rested than I had felt all week. “You slept the ENTIRE flight,” my middle-seat neighbor said as I stood up to grab my bag out of the overhead locker. “You didn’t even eat your meal! How do you sleep so well on planes?!?” I laughed. Just be overly tired. I think that’s the secret.
Two weekends ago, it was Paris. Last Weekend; Tel Aviv. This weekend? It feels like I’ve moved to Southern California for the first time. I’m here, and I’m not leaving for awhile. It’s so weird to feel like everything is so new, but cluttered with familiar undertones. I’m trying to figure out how to explain all of the thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing over the last three weeks, but to do that in one blog, may be difficult to impossible. I can cram in three significant events into the span of eleven days— falling for the most wonderful man in Paris, being part of a big press trip in Israel, and starting a new job in Los Angeles. That’s a lot to happen in such a short time, but kinda a normal pace in Kara world. I want to summarize how wonderful, sad, amazing, happy, conflicting, scary, sure, etc in a short post, but I don’t know how. I can live it, but to explain it?! Sigh. Maybe because magic, unexpected moments, goodbyes, and new jobs have no explanation. Maybe they are just meant to be lived.
Every new opportunity will always be littered with endings; even when it’s for the best. I know I am exactly where I need to be, and that makes me inspired and confident. It also has been really sad. It’s really sad to meet someone so incredibly special, realize that both of you care deeply, but neither one of you can change, or really want to change, your individual realities; realities that mean you will be on one continent and he almost as far as one can get from you. It’s no ones fault. It just is. It’s just a complicated and yet simple scenario. When you open yourself to amazing moments and people, you allow your heart to be vulnerable. And for me, the added benefit is that I give myself content to write about. Too much I think. He told me when I first met him, in the most syrupy of Australian accents (equals: melting),
“If you don’t actually have the adventure, you can’t write about it.”
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Masada. Israel. Sunrise. Circa November 2016
Well, I’m having the adventure. I’m always having the adventure. This adventure will always be a muddled mix of exactly what I hope for and managing the occurrences of times that I would rather avoid. Times like goodbyes, miscommunication, exhaustion, food poisoning…but it’s within the challenges that we grow. No matter what the outcome is, we have an opportunity to learn. I learned so much from meeting him; from caring. It’s a beautiful thing to care. I learned so much from quitting The Airline without having a job lined up; even if it’s, “I really don’t want to put myself in that type of situation again.” I’ve learned so much from flight attendant life and I will continue to learn if I place myself outside of my comfort zone.
Taking risks has not been without pain. I don’t think it ever can be, but more impactful than what we leave behind is who we become in the process. We become wise, kind, understanding, and sure. I am so much more happy in the place that I am right now, because I found the courage to throw out the old and accepted what is new and what can be new. Considering all that is happening within my phase of “life restructuring,” it’s critical that I keep my attitude and mind focused on the beauty and amazing gift within what is occurring. Instead of being sad he is not part of my life, I can be so grateful that someone so rare and wonderful generously shared themselves and Paris with me. Instead of being annoyed that I got incredibly sick on the press trip, and it wasn’t that much fun, I can feel honored that I was chosen for all-expenses paid trip to Israel. Instead of missing the familiarity of The Airline, I can be incredibly thankful that someone noticed something special in me and opened a door to a new job. Now, I have the privilege of being part of one of the best and most renowned private aviation companies in the United States and the world. This is what I have to be thankful for; this is where taking risks has gotten me.
Mostly, I’m just so thankful to be home. I’m really thankful for love and friendship in my life. I’m really thankful for travel. I’m really thankful for the future. I hope you are finding the reasons to be thankful in your life, too.
In whatever phase you find yourself in, I want you to know, you are stronger than you think, more brave than you can imagine, and more talented than you realize. Trust your timing. Trust that you are on your path. Take risks, accept opportunities, work hard. This is how you will live your dreams.