Whether you travel often on airplanes, or not so much, you may have picked up on the way air travel works:  Airport parking chaos, Check-in, TSA, waiting, boarding, seats, luggage, electronic devices, and yada, yada, yada.  A flight attendant gets you when you’re so far into the “Yada Yada Zone,”  that nothing seems to make sense.

“How do I put a bag in the overhead bin?”

You may have been such oblivion that you already missed the obvious rules, let alone notice the unsaid codes, like don’t hand a flight attendant garbage during meal service, or hand the stew a dirty diaper thinking that she would be more than happy to take care of that for you.  For Perspective:  Do you hand the waiter at a restaurant your toddler’s soiled tushy cover when your Filet Mignon is delivered?  That’s just gross you say? My thoughts exactly!

Even if air travel happens in your life at the infrequency of taking part in the holiday rush, you will find this article insightful, helping you so that the next time you find yourself on an airplane, you will avoid that doe-eyed, frazzled, and flustered expression, and instead, keep a yoga calm, convincing all eyes watching that you know what you are doing, and that you, know how to travel on an airplane.

You may even impress your flight attendant.

Well…at least you won’t piss them off.

Enjoy, all you Savvy Passengers out there!

When you board the plane, large bags may be placed in the overhead bin.  If the bag obviously does not fit, move it.  Don’t assume that the flight attendant doesn’t have anything better to do than be your personal assistant.  This is a much too common occurrence, one that I do not understand.

Laptops, purses, backpacks are placed under the seat in front of you, keeping the area around your feet clear.  Bags must be placed there for taxi, take-off, and landing.

Airplane Luggage

And, this is how it’s done.  Yes, Vote For Pedro.

If you are too weak, unable, or just unwilling to lift, tow, tote, pull, drag, wrestle your carry-ons, check your bags at the ticket counter.  Flight attendant does not equal Sherpa.  In the wilderness, there’s a saying, and it goes something like this:  “You pack it in, honey. You pack it out.”

I need a Sherpa

It doesn’t even work for me.

Read up on the rules and pay attention to the Safety Demo

The Safety info
Turn off your electronics when told to do so, and sit in your seat when the seatbelt sign is illuminated.  It’s not that hard to figure out.

The Flight Attendant Call Button is for Emergencies.  If you want to irritate the cabin crew, press it to hand the flight attendant garbage.  It was never designed as a personal garbage button.

There are specific times for drink and snack service and garbage collection.  Please hold on to your garbage if the flight attendants are in the midst of meal service.  When the flight attendants are collecting trash, it’s ok to request a drink or snack, but know that they are in the middle of something, so please be patient.

It helps a lot if you follow the phases of flights and pay attention to the announcements.  Even if you don’t understand the phases of flight, being observant will enlighten you.  Pretend a flight is like a dinner party; you start with drinks and appetizers, a salad, the entrée, dessert, and then maybe a coffee.  Asking to eat your dessert out-of-order is just slightly inconsiderate.

If you have a question about something that is happening in flight or a certain rule, it’s ok to ask one of the flight attendants.  98 percent of the time, these passenger questions do not annoy me (it would be never, but as soon as that is written, the unthinkable will happen).

Once the plane has landed, wait until the captain turns off the seatbelt sign to stand up and retrieve your luggage, and always check around you so that you do not lose things.

Hope your next flight is a beautiful one!

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