Life is often defined by set schedules, ideas, and ideals. A�Then you become a flight attendant.A�A�Your world is flipped upside-down, and you are thrown around. A�You handle your new found chaos with this wonderful coping skill called;
Always, always end in ‘whatever,’ or you will be one of those crazy bitches on the flight, the one that all of the passengers, and crew HATE.
Now that you are a flight attendant, things that once mattered, don’t really anymore. A�I’m sure you know what I’m talking about…
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Things That No Longer Matter When You Are A Flight Attendant
- Days of The Week: A�Monday, Tuesday, Friday??? A�It means little. A�Days run together, and dates…it’s all the same in the metal-tube in the sky.
- Weekends: A�What are those???
- Holidays: A�Unless the company doles out Holiday Pay, you kinda stop caring (sad truth).
- Time Of Day: A�You’ve been in four timezones in two days. A�Is it breakfast, lunch, or dinner? A�Oh well. A�6hrs behind, 9hrs ahead, 3a, 4p, waaaahhhh. A�You are just tired.
- Eating After 8p: A�Ummmm…whoever created this idiotic food rule never worked as an international flight attendant, A�cause, ummmmmm, it’s always after 8p somewhere!!! And then, you’re in the sky, so technically the timezone changes somewhere to make it before, or the next-day, or who knows. A�All I know is that Nazi-esque food rules do not work with this life. A�Be as healthy as you can be. A�Eat when you feel hungry, or more accurately, when you actually have a second and aren’t running from forward cabin to aft, serving everyone else their midnight snacks.
- Sleeping Only At Night: A�You sleep whenever you can, wherever you can…and with whoever you can??? JUST KIDDING. A�That last part was a joke. A�Please no emails.
- Only Drinking Coffee In The Morning: A�Morning…again timezones. A�And sleep deprivation. A�Drinking coffee matters, but when becomes irrelevant when you are a flight attendant.
- Where You Are Going: A�When crews do not stay at the destination, they don’t really care where it happens to be. A�All that matters is when you have to get to work, and when you will be back home.
- Where You Just Were: A�I forgot. A�I’m not there anymore. A�The places blur together.
- Where You Are Now: A�You’re pretty sure it will include one of the following: A�an airport, an airplane, or a hotel. A�How much where a flight attendant is matters only to the extent of how many hours said flight attendant gets to stay. A�If it’s not many, it doesn’t matter.
- Distance (To An Extent): A�Hour flights, a few states, and maybe one timezone away becomes less relevant when, as a flight attendant, you travel for free. A�But, distance still matters, and it still is a challenge, but less than it matters to “a normal person.”